we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
