Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
