So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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