Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
