$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
