Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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