I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
