what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
