worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
