In the future we'll all be gay
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
