Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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