Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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