he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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