i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
