capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
