I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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