apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
