Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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