Define "chronic" masturbator.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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