When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?