In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
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you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??