Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So much Jack, so little girl.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.