Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
