roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
