While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
