maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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