wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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