I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
