Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
