New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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