We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
