I'm eating all of the evidence.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
