If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think my cat just said my name.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Bring me that man meat
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize