My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dicks are not precious.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
