There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
