matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
