Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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