I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
