I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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