u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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