can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
