Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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