I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
