And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Someone signed my nipple.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
