I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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