did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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