It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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