the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize