Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
