He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
