dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
