Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
