I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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