is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
