my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
