when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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