You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
my poor anus
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
