Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
