are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
