If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
