im holly from the hills drunk
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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