My hand turned me down
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have already put on my inside pants.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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