Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
