It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
