Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
