Just fell off a train. Bad.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
