Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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