But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just wanna soil my oats bro
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't put those talents on a resume
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
