He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize