Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
