Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
