Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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