i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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