Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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