Porn is love you can see.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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