If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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