I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
