I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I touched a dick in church today
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
