You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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