we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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