he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
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Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
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The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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