Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
