I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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