yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
