You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
