That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
