So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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