do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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