Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
