Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
